Ukumitha kwamanto – mbazanana

Igama lam ndinguYolo. Ndineminyaka elishumi elinesithandathu, yaye ndisandul’ukufumanisa okokuba ndikhulelwe. Andikazazi nokuba ndiva njani ngale meko: ndineentloni, ndinetyala, ndilusizi, ndonwabile, ndiyoyika? Andikabaxeleli abazali bam okwangoku, okanye isinqandamathe sam. Ndithini ngesikolo? Ndithini ngekamva lam?  Ingaba ndifuna ukuba ngumama okanye ndisenokuba yilaa ntwazana ndandiyiyo? Ndingaya kubani ukuze ndifumane uncedo…?

Ngaba ufuna ukuqonda ukuba ukhulelwe na?

Unokuba ukhulelwe xa:

Ungasayi exesheni;

Uziva ugula unabo nobucaphucaphu;

Kufuneka uququle ukuya kwindlu yangese;

Amabele akho uweva ebuhlungu.

Iindlela zasekhaya zoxilongo-mitho ziyafu-maneka kwiivenkile ezininzi ezimninimnye, nasezikhemesti. Ungayityelela neklinikhi okanye ubonane nogqirha.

Xa kunokuthi kanti ndikhulelwe ndingenza ntoni?

Thetha nomntu omthembayo: abazali bakho, ilungu losapho lwakho, umhlobo, ititshala, umntu wenkonzo yakho.

Tyelela iklinikhi yakho ekufutshane ngokukhawuleza okukhulu ucele icebo.

Vumela iklinikhi ikuxilonge ukuqinisekisa ngemo yakho yesandulela sikagawulayo, yaye ubavumele futhi bakuxilongele nezinye izifo ezosulelayo ezinxulumene nezesondo.

Hlahla indlela yokuba uza kwenza ntoni na ukunye nosapho lwakho- akufanga mntu! Musa ukuthabatha izigqibo ngokupheleleyo kwiintsuku ezintathu zokuqala.

Fumanisa ukuba inkxaso yakho indawoni na, uze uphulaphule icebo elililo.

Asikuba ayinakwenzeka into yokuba ubuyele esikolweni. Thetha  nenqununu yesikolo sakho okanye umfundisi-ntsapho omthembayo.

Nonophela impilo yakho. Yitya ukutya okunempilo, futhi ungatshayi okanye usele utywala.

Thetha nomntu okwiqumrhu elinceda iintwazana ezikhulelweyo. Angakunceda kakhulu unontlalontle.

Zama ukubandakanya uyise womntwana kangangoko unako. Ukuba uneenjongo ezintle  ekufuna nokunceda, kunga kuhle okokuba niyabambisana ngalo mba.

Cela neNkosi ibe nawe ikwenze ukhethe ngokufanelekileyo ngokumalunga nawe nosana lwakho.

Ingaba ubomi bam butshabalele?

Sele ngoku uyinxalenye yobomi bomntu omdala, uselula kakhulu unjalo. Kusaza kuba nzima yaye kufuneka ube nezinto ozincamayo. Unoxanduva olukhulu ekufuneka uthathe izigqibo eziza kuba nefuthe kubomi bakho. Loo nto ayithethi okokuba ufikelele esiphelweni sobomi bakho okanye samaphupha akho! Ngenkxaso yabazali bakho okanye usapho lwakho usenganako ukuphila ubomi obuzalisekileyo. Ungonwaba futhi uluvuyele nosana lwakho. Ubomi bungaqhubeka…

Mingeni mini engamikhulu?

Kwiindawo ezininzi esihlala kuzo nakwiintsapho, amaxa amaninzi kusekhona ukugatywa, ukugxekwa kanti ke nokuxhaywa. Thetha nje ngokuphandle ngokwenzekileyo.

Kusoloko kubakho imibuzo emininzi, ukucaphuka, iingcinga ezibethabethanayo, ukungaziva mnandi nangoyise womntwana apha kwintliziyo  yentwazana le. Thetha ngazo zonke ezi zinto kumntu omthembayo.

Akulula noko ukuba umama oselula ahlale esikolweni okanye afumane umsebenzi. Olu xanduva longezelelekileyo lwenza izinto zibe nzima kakhulu.

Imali ayisoloko isanela kwa iimfuno ezi zinyanzelekileyo, ezinjengokutya, iimpahla, amanapkeni, ubisi, amayeza nendlela yokuthutha umntwana wakho umsa eklinikhi okanye kugqirha.

Izigqibo ojongene nazo ngoku zikhulu zezokuba ungahlala na esikolweni, nokuba usa umntwana elugcinisweni, nokuba umgcina ngokwakho okanye uyamqhomfa. Kambe ezi zigqibo ziyabutshintsha ubomi.

Zinto zini endingazikhethayo?

Ayinakuba yeyona-yona nto ukucinga ngokukhetha yaye uthathe izigqibo ngokupheleleyo uwedwa, zigqibo ezo ongenako ukubuya uzijike. Maninzi amaqumrhu kwanabantu abaqeqeshiweyo abanokukunceda kule ngxaki. Liphulaphule icebo labazali, eloonomakhaya kunye nelosapho lwakho ngalo eli xesha. Hluza iindlela ezinokulungelana ngcono neemeko zakho. Makhe siqwalasele ezi zilandelayo: Ungamgcina umntwana wakho, ucinge nangoncedo lokondlelwa nelokunikezela ngomntwana wakho kubazali abaza kukugcinela, okanye ukukhupha isisu.

Ndinako ukulugcina usana lwam

Ndinayo na inkxaso endiyidingayo yokunika usana lwam okona kungcono? Ingaba abazali bam okanye izalamani zingandinceda?

Uyise wolu sana yena uya kundinceda, nangemali?

Ndizibona ndinako ukuluthabatha olu xanduva? Ndingaluthwala nene-nene olu xanduva lulonke ngoku?

Ndiva njani ngolu sana? Ndakulwamkela olu sana ndilunakekele?

Ndithini ngamaphupha am neengcinga endinga zingafezeka ebendinazo ngobomi bam? Kusenokwenzeka konke oku?

Ngamanye amaxesha olu sapho luncinane lulindele usana lugqiba ekubeni lutshate okanye luhlalisane ngokukhawuleza okukhulu, luzame nokumelana neemeko ngokunokwalo. Maxa wambi, kuhle ukuthabatha ixesha uzikise ukucinga ngemeko le phambi kokuba uthabathe izigqibo ezikhulu. Kwezinye iindawo iqhelekile into yokuba uninakhulu wosana okanye ezinye izalamani zilukhulise. Ewe, zithwale ubukhulu boxanduva olo. Inokuba ntle ke loo nto, kuba usana ngoku lukhulela kubantu bosapho ngokubanzi.

Uncedo lokondlelwa umntwana ngabazali abangengobakhe: Uncedo lokondlelwa untwana ngabazali abangengobakhe lwenzeka xa abantwana abadingayo behlaliswa nabazali abangengobabo, abavavanyiweyo. Isenokuba ngumntu onika uncedo lwasemakhaya ekwajonge neqela labanye abantwana. UMkhomishina weNtlalontle yaBantwana nguye oqinisekisa indlela emakwenzeke ngayo oku. Abazali abangatshatanga bangafaka izicelo ngokwabo kumaqumrhu entlalontle. Eyona nto iluncedo kule nkqubo  kukuba olu ncedo lokondlelwa lolwexeshana. Umntwana angabuyiselwa kunakekelo lwabazali bakhe boqobo ngokokucetyiswa ngunontlalontle owongameleyo. Abazali boqobo mabaqinisekise okokuba babonakalisa unxulumano nomntwana. Umntwana angaziva ephazamiseka kukuzifumana ephakathi kwabazali bakhe ekubeni ebenaba bazali bangengobakhe, ingakumbi xa imeko yabazali  boqobo imaxongo, kungekho themba lokuba ingatshintsha.

Ulwamkelo lomntwana womnye umntu umenze owakho: Le yindlela esemthethweni yokufumanela umntwana wakho abazali abangabanye abaya kuhlala naye ngokusisigxina. Ngale ndlela unokuqinisekisa ikamva eliqhakazileyo losana elinomzali okanye abazali abakwimeko enokuba ngcono kunaleyo yakho ngokulunakekela. Kwezi nkqubo zikumila kunje ngunontlalontle ozikhokelayo. Le meko ijongwa ngeliso lokhozi ngamaqumrhu agunyazisiweyo ukuze kufumaneke abona bazali bafanelekileyo. Abazali bomntwana lo kufuneka baluvume olu lwamkelo lomntwana wabo ngabazali  abangengobakhe. Xa unina womntwana eminyaka ingaphantsi kweshumi elinesibhozo, umntu omdala ongumgcini wakhe (unina, uyise,  okanye unomakhaya)  naye makavume. Isicelo sakube siphononongiwe nguMkhomishina weNtlalontle yaBantwana kuloo ngingqi yomzali womntwana. Kubakho mbuzo uzingayo ke oqononondisa intlala-kahle yomntwana lowo.

Iminqweno yabazali boqobo bomntwana nayo ibaluleke kakhulu. Emveni kokuba  abo bazali  beluvumile  ulwamkelo lomntwana wabo ngabazali abangengobakhe, banikwa umyinge weentsuku ezimashumi amathandathu wokokuba bangacinga ngolunye uhlobo. Banako ukuqhakamshelana nomntwana wabo bedlula kunontlalontle. Banako nokuthumela iifoto kunye neeleta emntwaneni wabo okanye kubazali aba batsha, okanye ibe ngaba bazali batsha abazithumela kwabaya. Kumaxesha amaninzi iinkcukacha zabazali abamkele umntwana ongengowabo azinako ukunikwa abazali bomntwana. Abazali bayazikhethela ukuba bavalelise elusaneni lwabo ngeli xesha kwenziwa amalungiselelo, futhi bayakwazi nokuba yinxenye yokuzikhethela abazali amabamkele umntwana wabo abe ngowabo, kuluhlu alukhethileyo unontlalontle athi abanike lona xa sekuvunyelenwe. Kambe  bangacela ukuhlangana naba bazali batsha. Kukho nenyoba evulwayo yokuba bangenza izigqibo kwangaphambili, ngokuphandle okanye ngokusekhusini ngolu lwamkelo. Xa lwenzelwe ekhusini, iinkcukacha ezinokwenza ukuba aba bazali batsha baziwe azikhutshwa.

Ukukhupha isisu: Ukukhupha isisu okanye ukuqhomfa kwakusakuba yinto apha eyenziwa phantsi kweemeko ezithile nezikhethekileyo, kodwa ukusukela ngomnyaka ka-2005 nawuphi na umntu unelungelo lokuqhomfa ngokusemthethweni [ukuba ungaphantsi kweeveki ezingamashumi  amabini ekhulelwe. Emva kweeveki ezimashumi mabini, ukukhupha isisu kuba semthethweni phantsi kweemeko ezithile]. Ngokwenkcukacha-manani uqhomfo oluninzi lwenzeka kubantwana abangaphantsi kweminyaka elishumi elinesibhozo. Noxa kusemthethweni oku, kukho iinkcaso ezimandla ngokwezenkolo, nakwezinye iinkalo. Sisigqibo esikhulu esi xa ubani enokuthi asithabathe- qaphela: sinento yokwenza nokupheliswa kobomi bomntwana ongekazalwa. Ubomi bonina womntwana othabatha isigqibo esinje buchaphazeleka kakhulu ngaso. Amaqumrhu obuKrestu anjengalawo amele ukuSindiswa koBomi nezinye iimvaba ngeemvaba, zinamaphulo achaseneyo nokukhutshwa kwezisu okwenziwa ngaphandle kwezizathu ezibambekayo.  Xa ufuna ukuthabatha isigqibo esikhulu ngolu hlobo, masenziwe noko kwezi veki zokuqala zilishumi elinesibini umntu ekhulelwe. Masenziwe ngokwamayeza akhutshwa  emazikweni oko okanye ngokotyando. Xa kunokwenziwa kwangoko oku kuqhomfa, kunganobungozi obunge phi. Makwenziwe esibhedlele okanye eklinikhi, kungenziwa nangubani na ofuna ukwenza imali.

Kha uzikise ukuyicinga le nto! Xa ucinga ngokukhupha isisu, yithethe nosapho lwakho le nyewe, ugqirha okanye umntu onolwazi ngokwezempilo okwiklinikhi yocwangciso-ntsapho. Qaphela: kukho izivubeko ezichukumisayo ngokwasemphefumlweni nangokwasemzimbeni ezinokuthabatha ixesha elide ukuphola. Ngamanye amaxesha azide zibe ziphola mpela. Ingcebiso phambi koko nasemva koko inyanzelekile ukwenzela ukubuyisa nganeno ukugruzuka kwasemphefumlweni nokuchukumisayo.

Ingaba iNkosi ingandilahla na? INkosi ayinakuze isilahle, ingakumbi xa sisengxakini. Ithi: “Yizani kum nina nonke nisindwayo, nibulalekayo; ndoniphumza.” (Matewu 11:28).

Ndingalufumana phi uncedo? Dayela iofisi yala maqumrhu  alandelayo okanye ujonge iinkcukacha zoqhakamshelwano zesebe elikufutshane nawe kwiminatha-zwe yawo okanye iwebhsayithi:

FAMSA www.famsa.org.za (011) 975 7106/7; Planned Parents Association- www.hst.org.za (031) 266 9090;

Badisa 021 957 7130; Bloemfontein Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (051) 522 6914 / 082 202 4306; Amanye amaqumrhu

(Unontlalontle okanye ugqirha angakucebisa naye nangamanye amaqumrhu akufutshane nawe.)

ACVV- Cape Town: (021) 461 7437;  Child Welfare Adoption Centre (021) 638 3121;

‘Addoption’ 0800 864 658. (www.adoption.org.za)

Share this post