Ukukhulelwa kwezingane ezincane

Igama lami nginguGugu. Ngineminyaka eyi-16, futhi ngisanda kuthola ukuthi ngikhulelwe. Angazi ukuzizwa ngizizwa njani: nginamahloni, nginecala, ngizizwela ubuhlungu, ngijabule, ngiyesaba? Angikabatsheli abazali bami, noma isoka lami. Ngiyokwenzenjani ngesikole? Ikusasa lami lona-ke? Ngifuna ukuba ngumama noma ngingaba yintombi? Ngingalutholaphi usizo…?”

Ingabe ucabanga ukuthi ukhulelwe?

Kungenzeka ukuthi ukhulelwe uma:

Awusayi esikhathini:

Uzwa sengathi uyagula futhi unesicanucanu;

Uya endlini yangasese kaningana;

Amabele wakho abuhlungu.

Izinto zokuhlola ukuthi ukhulelwe ziyathe-ngiswa ezitolo eziningi kanye nasemakhemisi. Ungavakashela nasemtholampilo noma uyobona udokotela.

Uma ngikhulelwe, kumele ngenzeni?

Khuluma nomuntu omethembayo: abazali bakho, ilungu lomndeni, umngani, uthisha, umuntu wasesontweni.

Vakashela umtholampilo oseduze nawe ngokushesha ucele izeluleko.

Vumela umtholampilo ukuhlolele iNgculazi uphinde uhlolele izifo ezithelelana ngokocansi.

Cabangani ukuthi niyokwenzenjani njengomndeni – impilo iqhubekela phambili!

Ungathathi izinqumo zokugcina ezinsukwini zokuqala ezintathu.

Thola ukuthi ngobani abakusekelayo uthole izeluleko okuyizona.

Usengakwazi ukubuyela esikoleni. Khuluma nothishanhloko wakho noma nothisha omethembayo.

Nakekela impilo yakho. Idla ukudla okunomsoqo uqinisekise ukuthi awubhemi futhi awuphuzi.

Khuluma nomuntu kwinhlangano esiza amantombazana akhulelwe. Isiphathimandla sezenhlalakahle singakusiza kakhulu.

Zama ukuthi ubaba wengane abambe iqhaza. Uma enezinhloso ezinhle futhi efuna ukusiza, kuzokusiza kakhulu ukuthi nibambisane kukho konke.

Uphinde ucele iNkosi ukuthi ibe nawe ukuze ukwazi ukuthatha izinqumo ezilungele wena nengane yakho.

Ingabe sekuphelile ngempilo yami?

Ubeyingxeye yempilo yobudala useneminyaka emincane. Kuzoba lukhuni futhi kuzodingeka ukuthi uzidele. Ubhekene nesibopho esikhulu futhi kuzodingeka ukuthi uthathe izinqumo ezizoba nomthelela empilweni yakho. Kepha lokhu akusho ukuthi impilo yakho noma amaphupho akho aphelile! Ngokusekelwa ngabazali noma ngumndeni wakho kunokwenzeka ukuthi ungaphila impilo eyanelisayo. Ungajabulela uphinde uthokozele ingane yakho.  Impilo ingaqhubeka…

Yiziphi izinselela ezikhulu?

Emiphakathini kanye nasemindenini eminingi kusesenobandlululo, ukusolana kanye nokujikelana. Khuluma ngalokhu ngokukhululeka.

Kaningi kuba nemibuzo eminingi, ukuthukuthela, imizwa ehlukile, kanye nemizwa ethize enhlizweni yentombazana mayelana noyise wengane. Khuluma nomuntu omethembayo mayelana naleyo mibuzo.

Akulula neze ukuthi umama omncane aqhubeke nesikole noma athole umsebenzi. Lesi sibopho esongeziwe senza yonke into ibelukhuni.

Kaningi ayikho imali eyanele ukwenza izinto ezisemqoka, njengokuthenga ukudla, izimpahla, amanabukeni, ubisi, imithi kanye nokuhambisa ingane emtholampilo noma kudokotela.

Izinqumo obhekana nazo manje zokuthi uqhubeke ngesikole, uphisane ngengane yakho, uyigcine noma ukhiphe isisu, lezi izinqumo ezinkulu nezishintsha impilo yomuntu.

Yikuphi engingakukhetha?

Ngeke kube yinto enhle ukuba ucabange uphinde uthathe izinqumo uwedwa.  Ziningi izinhlangano kanye nabantu abangakusiza kulokhu. Lalela izeluleko zabazali bakho, abantu abakunakekelayo kanye nomndeni wakho kulesi sikhathi. Hlolisisa okukhethwayo okuhambisana nesimo sakho kakhulukazi. Masibheke lokhu okulandelayo: ungagcina ingane yakho, abanye bangamkhulisa, unganikela ngayo noma ungakhipha isisu.

  • Ngingayigcina ingane yami
  • Ingabe nginalo uxhaso lonke engiludingayo ukunika ingane yami okuhle kodwa? Ingabe abazali bami noma izihlobo zami zizongisiza?
  • Ubaba wengane uzosiza, ngemali-ke?
  • Ingabe ngizibona ngiwenza lo msebenzi? Ingabe ngingakwazi ukuwuthwala lo mthwalo manje?
  • Ingabe ngizizwa kanjani mayelana nengane? Ingabe ngizoyamukela ngiyinakekele ingane?
  • Kuzokwenzekani ngamaphupho benginawo ngempilo yami? Ngingakwazi ukuwafeza?

Ngesinye isikhathi intsha esondele ukuthola ingane ithatha isinqumo ngokushesha sokushada noma sokuhlala ndawonye bese izama ukubhekana nakho konke lokhu ngokwabo. Ngesinye isikhathi kubalulekile ukuthatha isikhathi sokuthi kucatshangwe ngayo yonke le nto ngaphambi kokuthatha izinqumo ezinkulu. Kweminye imiphakathi kwamukelekile ukuthi ugogo wengane ayikhulise noma omunye wezihlobo. Ngokwenzenjalo lowo mndeni nguwo obhekana nomsebenzi omningi. Lokhu kungaba kuhle kakhulu, ngoba ingane ikhula phakathi kwezihlobo zayo.

Izingabazali

Izingabazali zenziwa uma izingane ezidinga usizo zihlaliswa nezingabazali noma nabazali abahloliwe. Izingane zingaphinde zihlaliswe nomuntu onikezela ngokunakekela kwasekhaya onakekela izingane ezimbalwa. UKhomishinari Wezabantwana neZenhlalakahle nguye ozomisa ukuthi lokhu kuzokwenziwa njani. Abazali abakhulisa abantwana bebodwa bangafaka isicelo salokhu ngokwabo ezinhlanganweni zezenhlalakahle. Okuhle ngalokhu ukuthi ubusingamzali bungaguqulwa. Ingane ingaphindiselwa kubazali bayo kuya ngesincomo sesikhulu seziphathimandla zezenhlalakahle. Abazali bengane kumele baqinisekise ukuthi banobudlelwano nengane. Ingane ingadideka phakathi kwabazali kanye nezingabazali, ikakhulukazi uma isimo sabazali singathuthuki.

Ukunikela ngengane

Ukunikela ngengane nakho yindlela esemthethweni yokuthola abanye abantu abazoba ngabazali bengane yakho unomphela. Ngale ndlela ungaqinisekisa ikusasa eliqhakazekile lengane ngoba izohlala nomzali noma nabazali abasesimeni esingcono kunawe ukunakekela ingane. Esimeni esinjalo, isiphathimandla sezenhlalakahle kumele kube yiso esihamba phambili. Izinhlangano ezaziwayo yizo ezihlola abazali ngokucophelela okukhulu ukuthola abazali abafanele. Bobabili abazali begazi kumele banike imvume yokuphisana ngengane. Uma umama ozala ingane engaphansi kweminyaka eyi-18, umondli (umama, ubaba noma umuntu omnakekelayo) kumele anikezele ngemvume. Isicelo sizohlolwa nguKhomishani Wezenhlalakahle Yezingane endaweni lapho kuhlala khona abazali. Umbuzo obuzwa kaningi ukuthi kuyini okuzozuzwa yingane.

Izifiso zabazali ababelethe ingane nazo zibaluleke. Ngemuva kokunikela ngemvume, abazali ababeletha ingane banezinsuku ezingama-60 ukushintsha umcamango wabo. Abazali ababelethe ingane bangaxhumana nengane ngokusebenzisa isiphathimandla sezenhlalakahle. Bangathumela ingane noma abazali abanikezwe ingane izithombe kanye nezincwadi, nabo ngokunjalo bangamukela izithombe kanye nezincwadi. Esikhathini esiningi, abazali ababelethe ingane abanikwa imininingwane yabazali abanikezwe ingane. Abazali ababelethe ingane bayanikwa ithuba lokuvalelisa ingane, lokuba yingxenye yokukhetha abazali kusuka ohlwini lwabazali olwenziwe yisiphathimandla sezenhlalakahle, noma bangacela ukuhlangana nalabo bazali. Umzali angakhetha ngaphambili ukuthi ufuna uhlelo lokunikeza ngengane oluvulekile noma oluvalekile (nobumfihlo). Esimeni sohlelo oluvalekile imininingwane yokuxhumana nabazali abanikezwe ingane ayikhululwa.

Ukukhipha isisu Ngaphambili ukukhipha isisu bekuvumelekile ezimeni ezithize kuphela, kepha kusuka ngonyaka ka-2005 nanoma ngubani okhulelwe angakwazi ukukhipha isisu ngokusemthethweni [uma enamaviki angama-20 noma ngaphansi ekhulelwe. Ngemuva kwamaviki angama-20, ukukhipha isisu kuvumelekile ngaphansi kwezimo ezithize kuphela.] Ngokuya ngezibalo eziphathelene nezwe, abantu abaneminyaka eyi-18 kuya phansi yibo abakhipha kakhulu izisu. Nanoma ukukhipha isisu kusemthethweni, baningi abaphikisana nokukhipha isisu okufaka phakathi abazenkolo. Lesi isinqumo esikhulu – khumbula: kufaka phakathi ukuqeda impilo yengane engakazalwa. Impilo yomama othatha isinqumo esinjalo nayo ithinteka kakhulu. Izinhlangano zamaKrestu ezinjengo Pro-Life kanye namasonto abahambisani nokukhipha isisu ngaphandle kwezizathu ezifanele.

Uma ufuna ukuthatha lesi sinqumo esikhulu, kungcono lokhu kwenziwe emaviki ayi-12 wokuqala ukukhulelwa. Isisu sikhishwa ngokuthatha imithi noma ngokuhlinzwa. Ubungozi buyancipha uma isinqumo sokukhipha isisu sithathwa ngokushesha isisu sisincane. Kumele sikhishwe esibhedlela noma emtholampilo, singakhishwa yinanoma ngubani ofuna ukwenza imali.

Cabanga ngaso futhi!  Uma ucabanga ngokukhipha isisu, khuluma nomndeni wakho, udokotela noma isisebenzi emtholampilo wokuhlela umndeni. Khumbula: ngemuva kwalokhu ungathatha isikhathi eside kakhulu ukuthi umoya wakho, imizwa noma umzimba uphole. Ngesinye esikhathi awupholi neze. Ukunciphisa isibazi sokomoya noma semizwa esihlala isikhathi eside kubalulekile ukubonana nekhansela ngaphambi nangemuva kokukhipha isisu.

Ingabe iNkosi izongijikela?INkosi ngeke isijikele, ikakhulukazi uma sidinga usizo. Ithi: “Wozani kimi, nonke enikhathele nenithwele kanzima, mina ngizoniphumuza” (Mathewu 11:28).

Ngingalutholaphi usizo?

Shayela amahhovisi amakhulu walezi nhlangano noma ubheke imininingwane yamagatsha aseduze nawe kumawebhusayithi wabo:

FAMSA  (011) 975 7106/7 (www.famsa.org.za)

Planned Parents Association (031) 266 9090 (www.hst.org.za)

Badisa (021) 957 7130

Bloemfontein Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (051) 5226914 / 082 202 4306

Ezinye izinhlangano (Isiphathimandla sezenhlalakahle noma udokotela bangakweluleka mayelana nezinhlangano eziseduze nawe.)

ACVV – Cape Town:  (021) 461 7437

Child Welfare Adoption Centre: (021) 638 31 21

‘Addoption’ – 0800 864 658. (www.adoption.org.za)

Will the Lord reject me?

The Lord never rejects us, especially when we are in need. He says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

Where can I go for help?

Dial the head offices of these organisations or look for the contact details of the branch nearest to you on their websites:

FAMSA            www.famsa.org.za (011) 975 7106/7

Planned Parents Association – www.hst.org.za    (031) 266 9090

Badisa             (021) 957 7130

Bloemfontein Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (051) 5226914 / 082 202 4306

Other organisations (A social worker or doctor can also advise you about organisations near you.)

ACVV – Cape Town: (021) 461 7437

Child Welfare Adoption Centre: (021) 638 31 21

Addoption’ – 0800 864 658. (www.adoption.org.za)

 

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