Teenager & sex = parent?CLF
My name is Michelle and I’m 15. I think I’m pretty, with sexy legs; my friends also say that. I can see how the boys look at me;
especially Shawn – he can’t keep his eyes off me. He is 19 already and out of school.
He says he wants my body. Some of my friends tell me how exciting it is to have sex. I’m curious, also want to know how it is so that I can participate. But I wonder if it is right? Is it safe?
There are many young girls who are facing the same important choice as Michelle: can I have sex or must I wait? There are girls as young as eleven years who regularly have sex. Many girls also wonder if it isn’t a good idea to get pregnant. When is one ready? What risks are there? Is it really such a big deal?
There are many young girls who are facing the same important choice as Michelle: can I have sex or must I wait? There are girls as young as eleven years who regularly have sex. Many girls also wonder if it isn’t a good idea to get pregnant. When is one ready? What risks are there?
Is it really such a big deal?
When you have to make an important decision, it is always best to think it through properly. “Think before you do!” my Grandmother always said. She was right: you must know what it’s all about and what consequences your decision can have.
First talk to someone that you trust and with whom you feel safe. Talk frankly about sex and your choices. It is good to talk openly about that with your parents, a teacher, a youth worker or social worker.
It doesn’t help to discuss it with your friends who boast about it during break. Their stories might just encourage you to start things too quickly, which can bring about hurt and regret.
But what can the consequences be if I start with sex too soon?
- There is the danger of sexually transmitted diseases. These diseases can bring about a lot of heartache and pain;
- just think about HIV and Aids, syphilis, hepatitis, etc. Some of the diseases are too bad to even think about!
- When your body or your emotions are not mature yet, premature sex can make you very confused. Your body and soul can get hurt – damage that will affect you for your whole life.
- You can get trapped in a life of sex or become addicted to it; some girls start to sell their bodies for money; people can abuse you; your relationships can break; you can lose your self-respect; your growth to adulthood can go wrong; your dreams and ideals can be stolen.
- You can fall pregnant before you are really ready to become a mum. To be a mother comes with many big responsibilities – responsibilities for which you as a teenager might not be ready for.
- All these consequences worsen so much more if you have sex with more than one person.
Sex is beautiful and good and nice – we are really made for sex. But it is meant to happen within marriage. That is how God intended it.
You can choose.
No, you must choose.
But remember, your choice has consequences!
What makes it so difficult to make the right choice?
- I don’t want to feel left out if my friends boast and talk about sex.
- If my boyfriend says: “if you love me, you will have sex with me”. (Of course that is not true; someone like that does not really love you or respect you). But what if he leaves me if I say no to sex?
- When my boyfriend is a lot older than me and doesn’t understand that I’m not ready yet.
- When someone forces me – in whatever way (Remember, if someone forces you to have sex against your will, it is a criminal offence – it is rape.) You may say no! If it still happens, you need to discuss it with someone that you trust!
- If I feel lonesome or rejected and I think that sex will help me to be accepted again.
- If people say: only through sex can you show that you have become a real “woman”.
- If I want to prove something to other people, maybe I want to show that I will do what I want.
- If my family or I struggle and I wonder if the government grant which I can get for a baby can maybe help.
- If I think sex or pregnancy will help me escape the problems in my life.
- If my boyfriend and I indulge in heavy petting somewhere, maybe remove some of our clothes and touch one another’s private parts, then things can quickly get out of hand. Then it is as if you cannot choose to stop anymore.
- If I use alcohol or drugs, or visit inappropriate, “dangerous places” like nightclubs and shebeens. At such places it is much more difficult to say no for wrong decisions which will cause heartache later on.
- Or if there isn’t an open and honest talk about sex and relationships with my parents and I do things quietly or in secret.
Be open-minded and open-eyed about these things which make the choices so difficult.
Talk about it with someone that you trust.
It’s right to talk about sex!
It’s stupid to drive if the robot is red…
If I then still decide to have sex?
- I need to know what the consequences will be and be ready to bear them.
- I need to use contraceptives and know how they work. A clinic sister or social worker can give advice.
- I need to use condoms every time I have sex.
- I need to stay faithful to one partner.
And what about falling pregnant? Before you choose to fall pregnant, you need to know:
- Young girls’ bodies are not yet ready to carry a baby; they are also not emotionally ready.
- If you fall pregnant and decide to keep the baby, it places more pressure on yourself and on the people closest to you. It demands a lot of time and money.
- That one can make money out of the government grants for young, unmarried mums, is false. These grants barely cover one fifth of the money that is really needed to raise a baby.
- If you are too young, you will not really know how to raise a baby – and you will also struggle to finish school.
- It isn’t right towards yourself to carry too many tasks and responsibilities as a teenage mum – first there is a wonderful life which you need to explore and enjoy. There are many other fun things which you should not miss.
What other choices are there?
- You can rather wait before you become sexually active or pregnant – there are many others who also choose to wait… and they are not sorry!
- First enjoy just to be a teenager and to do fun things with your friends, things that fit with being a teenager and which do not hold any great dangers: visiting and chatting, listening to music, taking part in adventurous outings, reading and being interested in the world around you – there are so many exciting things to explore and learn!
- You can have a wonderful relationship with a boyfriend without sex. There are so many other things that you can do together within a relationship of love and respect! One should first get to know one another and learn to love and trust one another.
- Be a friend to others, help people who need you.
- Choose the right friends and especially the right boyfriend, who has respect for you and will wait with you until the time is right.
- Realise that you and your body are very special: you deserve the respect of other people.
- Dream about your future and work on it to make dreams come true.
- First concentrate on your studies – it will mean so much more for your future.
- Take part in sport and other school activities – practice, eat correctly, sleep enough.
- Avoid dangerous places where you will have difficulty saying no. Also avoid alcohol and drugs.
- If you cannot discuss sex with your parents, talk to other adults whom you trust about sex and pregnancy – visit a clinic or a social worker, even without your parents’ consent if necessary.
- If you have already had sex, it does not mean that you cannot stop and wait again until you are older.
- Become part of the church or a youth group at the church.
- Remember, Jesus Christ wants to start a relationship with you: He really cares about you, He understands, He wants to protect and help you, He does not want you to get hurt, He can save you… talk to Him about your life choices and ask that He leads you on the right path.
- Therefore it is also good and necessary to be obedient to his Word.